I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she looked like the before picture.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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