I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
