The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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