For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
