we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
