my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
