from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
