i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
