M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
