It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
