I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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