Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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