Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
