So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Randomize
