If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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