I just saw a hot homeless man
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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