On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
