Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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