Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
