OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
