I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
