Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
