i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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