You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize