If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
