i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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