Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
