Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
