She went from zero to smokin in five shots
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize