Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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