Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
