It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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