i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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