i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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