hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
