What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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