I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize