Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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