I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
