I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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