My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
