We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She bit a glass in half.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
