every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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