I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
