my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We left an ass print on the piano.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
