I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
