and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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