I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
