using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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