I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So much Jack, so little girl.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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