is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
