hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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