you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
