i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
