shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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