i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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