saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
