my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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