he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
