I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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