my vag is so smooth its legendary
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize