What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
