So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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