I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
