please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
