dude i'm inner monologue high
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
