do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
