Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
