I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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