Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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