I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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