Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
