I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
