I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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