Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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