No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
